Where am I Now?

1. My initial idea was to look at family photos and the power they have. I wanted to focus especially on portrait, and how personality can be shown in raw, exposed flesh, because i think that is where an individuals persona is rooted- forgetting all make up and clothing. This links to family photos and how an individuals character is firmly rooted in their past, as who they were born to be.

2. I took photos of my sister Eleanor who is 20, on a beach in france. They were completely unplanned and spontaneous She had just been swimming so her hair was wet, she had no make up on and just a white t-shirt and the focus is on her face and her expression- again un-posed and genuinely happy, not forced. But i had just 2 of these photos and wanted more that were in colour, so i took photos of her lying on my mums bed, wrapped up in a towel again clear of make up and jewelry, and she looks very calm and sleepy. Her essence is not being disguised and because she's not really doing anything the focus is not distracted.

3. I think my most successful observational drawing is the one i ended up painting. Eleanor is curled up in her towel and duvet against my mum and looks very sleepy and slightly angry, but vulnerable. I liked this one the most because i like the composition of her hand and her arm and her face and her hair and the duvet. I think its my most successful because i was braver with this than the others in showing contrast between flesh and fabric, and because i picked out greens and grey's in her skin to make it more striking.

4. I looked at lucien freud and paula rego, but decided mainly to focus on rego. Freud i am using only as an inspiration for technique with attention to detail and skin. I liked the idea of putting a Rego style twist on my work, because i like her interest in women's vulnerability and sensitivity as well as childhood memory and how it can play such an important role in what you're going to be like in the future. This links back to the childhood and family photos at the start of my book- finally things are starting to come together, though in ways i did not predict!!

5. My plan NOW is to develop my images with the same idea of rawness of flesh, but bringing in a sinister approach, thinking of ideas like traditional sleeping beauty, and duke bluebeard which i saw at the opera. This way i can add splashes of colour and vibrancy, with ideas like fake flowers and wreathes, and adding layers of silk to the duvet- making the idea more fantastical and surreal.

Art at the Opera- Expanding on Inspiration

I went to see Duke Bluebeard's Castle at the Colloseum this november and loved it. The disturbing nature of the sexism and objectification over women reminded me so much of Paula Rego's work. The power of the lead female Judith is immense on stage, but what is even more powerful is the force that she is degraded by the Fritzl style character who traps her in his castle, in which his huge incestual family live already. He gradually gets her covered in blood from the various rooms he exposes her too; none of the blood yet is hers- all fresh from the other women he was claimed his own- a very disturbing visual feature of the production. The metaphorical imagery is amazing, and the set design is the best i've ever seen anywhere- its phenomenal. The textures and layers of the set reveal dirt and rubble in contrast to completely fake bright flowers, building blocks and jeweled manikins. There are creepy, rusty tricycles and toys that his children play with, oblivious to how wrong this all is. They play content, having never experienced an outside life, again, all very disturbing. Creepy sums up the whole production really, and the schizophrenic nature with which he abuses and then adores his wife, is especially strong.

The ending in particular rang resonances of Rego's 'Dog women" paintings. In the opera the four women lie down on a rugged stained mattress, with the duke in the centre holding a knife, and with their thighs split open, covered in dry blood and dirt- succumbing to his power. It is both horrifying but artistically stunning at the same time- exactly like Rego's thirst for "Gruesome Beauty" as seen in the article. It was almost like a 3D production of Paula Regos work- like a show case- beautifully shocking.